Dirty Pirate Babies
by dancesthroughlife
Summary: Jack get's called back to Shipwreck Cove by his father for some shocking news. Jack has a long lost brother. Jack has to adjust to his new flamboyant brother while still fighting off other pirates. Slightly follows DMC, OOC
1. Surprises

**A/N: So instead of updating my other story, I decided to write a new one. Lol…this one will make more sense and follow along a better plot hopefully, yet still being silly. It's funny; the idea came from an article on a gossip website about Rob Pattinson being in Pirates 4, and the article ended with the statement of dirty pirate babies. My imagination went insane, enough rambling, and here's my story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story, which is why I am broke. But if I owned Spunk, oh the fun I would have.**

The water gently lapped the sides of the ship as she cut her way through the Caribbean. She had just departed Tortuga, and was heading in a southern direction towards Shipwreck Cove. The wind began to gently blow, and the various items in the captain's hair jingled.

Jack Sparrow was at the wheel of his beloved Pearl, as usual. But unlike usual, he was not in his typical euphoric mood. He hated going to Shipwreck Cove. Nothing good ever came out of a visit to this destination. First, there was Captain Teague, Jacks father who always found something wrong with Jack. Second, there were all the other pirates that lived there that he owed a large sum of money to. And third, there was Camille. Camille and Jack's meetings never faired well, usually beginning with a slap in the face and ending with a slap in the face, both received by Jack. Though, no matter how bad the visits always were, Jack knew not to disobey his father. He still had reoccurring nightmares about last time he did disobey. That is until he started snuggling with an overstuffed teddy bear named Dominic. He doesn't like other's to know about Dominic.

----

One week was all Jack managed to delay his arrival. He took his sweet time sailing through the seas, but could only delay the inevitable for one week. Jack sighed as he donned his tricorn hat and sauntered off the ship towards his dad's house, or ship we should say. But before he could arrive at his father's, he ran into Gentleman Jocard.

"Sparrow," sneered Jocard, "you owe me money. I believe twenty shillings will suffice?"

Jack took a few paces back and raised his hands in defense, "I believe, my dear friend, you are mistaken."

"How am I mistaken?" spat Jocard.

"You are mistaken in the thought that you think that I owe you money but in reality you are suppressing the thought that you should think that you thought to ask yours truly for money. So the current thought you are thinking is the wrong thought to be thinking and you should be thinking of the thought I just shared with ye, savvy?"

Jocard was thrown into such a state of confusion giving Jack time to tip his hat and escape.

Jack continued his trip down the passageway looking for his father's door, if you could call it a door. Finally, he arrived and rapped ever so lightly on the door, which slowly squeaked open to reveal Teague. It was amazing at how similar these two pirates were, from their messy dreadlocks with various trinkets braided in, to the beard, to the multiple rings worn by each.

"Jackie!" exclaimed Teague, "It's good to see you, boy! Come in!"

Jack sauntered into the house looking around before sarcastically commenting, "Ye sure have done a lot with the place."

"Aye, I have. But that's not why I asked ye here."

"Right, well, how's mum?" With this Teague held up a shrunken, decaying head, to which Jack looked at revoltingly. "She's…lovely."

"Your mother is not why I asked ye here, boy. I have something to tell you. A big something to tell you."

"Aye?"

"Ye have a brother who wants to become a pirate, a proper pirate. I figure he should learn from the best."

"A brother? How come I have never heard of a brother? And what's his name?"

"I've never told ye about him because he's, well, he's different."

"Different how? And ye neglected to tell me his name."

"You'll have to see for yourself how he's different. As for his name, or what he likes to go by, is Spunk."

"Spunk!?! What kind of name is that?"

"Yes, Spunk Ransom. He uses the name because he hates his real name."

"His real name being?"

"His real name is Anthony Masen." At hearing this, Jack couldn't help himself. He started laughing harder than he had ever laughed before.

"Anthony Masen? The fearsome pirate Anthony Masen! Watch your back, or Anthony will get you!" shouted Jack as tears began to streak down his face.

"Jackie, he's your brother, be kind. And he likes to go by Spunk for that reason. Anyways, here he comes."

"Hello, Father," called a young boy, with messy bronze hair and sparkling green eyes, "how are you today?"

"I'm just fine, boy. I have someone I'd like you to meet," Teague motioned toward Jack, "Spunk, this is Jack Sparrow. Jackie, this is Spunk Ransom."

"You mean Jack Sparrow, the most fearsome pirate on the six seas?"

"Seven. The seven seas," Jack corrected, "And yes. I'm the one you're referring to."

"And you're willing to teach me how to become a fearsome pirate? Like yourself?"

"If ye tell me what is different about you."

"It' more of a 'you have to see for yourself' kind of thing, but if that's all you want, I'll be more than happy."

Jack started towards the door, "Fine, Spunk, ye may sail with me," he continued as he opened the door.

"Oh, this is so exciting! When do we leave?"

Jack was already out the door before he caught a glimpse of Camille. "We leave now!" He shouted as he grabbed Spunk's hand and bolted out the door, but it was too late.

"Jack Sparrow," squawked Camille.

Jack grudgingly turned to answer, "Hello, Camille."

"I had a dear friend stop by the other day; we never thought we had much in common before. It turns out we were wrong."

"How were you wrong Camille?" Jack knew he was digging himself into a deep hole with no way to get out, yet he couldn't seem to stop himself.

"Perhaps you can figure it out for yourself. You see, her name is Giselle."

Uh-oh. Jack knew what was coming. Giselle was one of his two…ladies of interest…in Tortuga. Or former ladies of interest, as he now had only one single lady of interest anymore.

Camille continued, "Jack, do you know what we have in common? It seems we have _you _in common." After her short speech, Camille raised her had and slapped Jack across the face, to which Spunk couldn't help his fit of giggles that came along with it. Jack turned his gaze upon Spunk, glaring, when he heard another hearty laugh behind him.

"Sure have a way with the ladies, don't you Jackie?"

Jack glared at both his father and his apparent new brother, before turning sharply on his heel and sauntering off, heading towards his ship. He didn't need this, to constantly have jokes made at his expense.

"Wait for me!" Spunk called out as he followed his brother to the Pearl.

If only Spunk knew what he was about to get himself into, then perhaps he would have never gone.

**A/N: Now go review, please! I'd love you forever!**


	2. Game Night

**A/N: Huzzah!!! An update! I didn't think I would ever update this story, and I did. I am proud of myself. I deserve a Big Red. Speaking of Big Red, I was hyped up on that stuff while I wrote the first half of this story, so excuse the random movie quotes, because that recently became a side effect for me. Enough rambling, so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing, hence the reason I'm broke. But owning Spunk would be fun…**

The sun had sunk below the horizon by the time Jack and Spunk had slipped back to the Pearl. It was getting late in the evening, and the crew was anxious to set sail. They hated staying in one place too long, unless of course it was Tortuga. But Jack was anxious to get back to the Pearl for another reason. He had someone waiting for him. For the first time ever he realized all you need is love. Heck, love was like oxygen. Love lifted him up where he belonged. He would never forget the day he met her.

_He was walking down the streets of Tortuga with his right arm wrapped around Scarlett's waist as his left hand tightly wound around a bottle of rum. That's when he saw her. She was a young, spunky, pirate who was currently being assaulted by another pirate. Wait a second, SHE was assaulting him. Jack just had to stop and watch._

_"If you ever touch me or my sister again," knee to the groin, "I will haunt you for the rest of your life." Punch to the stomach, "And then, when you least expect it," slap to the face, "I will sneak onto your ship, reach down your throat," elbow in the side, "tear out your rotted liver, and loop it around your filthy head!" Right as the girl finished her short speech, another she-pirate came running out of nowhere, screaming like a maniac and body slammed the poor fellow. The girls gave each other a high five, and began to walk off. Jack had to know who they were, so he abandoned Scarlett and the rum and ran to the girls shouting for them to stop. When he approached them, the blonde girl that had delivered most of the smack down turned and kneed Jack._

_"I was just going to compliment your defense skills," Jack finally managed to squeak. _

_"Thanks, but we know what you really want," retorted the blonde._

_"No, really, no funny business. But one question, what be ye names?"_

_This time the brunette, who did the body slamming, spoke up, "I'm Alyssa, and this is my sister, Rachel. And you are?"_

_"Why, Jack Sparrow, of course. Have ye never heard of me?"_

_"….No. Should we have?"_

_"I'm only the most infamous pirate in the Caribbean, I captain the Black Pearl. Which brings me to my next question, where be your ship?"_

_"Well…we don't exactly have one anymore. Rachel bet an old pirate that she could eat a duck."_

_"A whole duck?"_

_"Everything but the feet and beak," responded Rachel proudly._

_"She lost, miserably, which meant we lost our ship since that's all we had to barter with."_

_"Ye know you're in Tortuga. You do have SOMETHING else to barter with."_

_Rachel and Alyssa both sighed in disgust before Rachel answered, "We realize that, but we don't do those shenanigans. So we're without a ship." _

_"Right, well ye could sail with me crew."_

_Alyssa was suspicious, "You move awful fast."_

_"Who cares?" Rachel shrugged, "It's a ship!"_

_So two years, one marriage between Jack and Rachel, and many battle scars later, Jack finds a brother._

Jack had just finished climbing over the side of the Pearl with Spunk right behind him as Rachel came running up.

"Jack, what did your father, oh? Who is this?"

"This is Anthony Masen, my brother."

"SPUNK!!! My name is Spunk Ransom!"

"I didn't know you had a brother! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know I had a brother!"

"Honestly, Jack. How can you not know you have a brother?"

"I was never told I had a brother!"

"Who doesn't tell their child that they have siblings?"

"Teague is not exactly what a good father should be."

"So, you would think you would figure that you would have found out earlier."

"I didn't, luv. I just now found out."

"Well, it's like my mum always said, 'Life is like a box of chocolates, never know what you're gonna get.'"

Alyssa came ambling up at this, "Mummy never said that. What are you two arguing about? I heard you way up in the crows nest."

"Jack has a brother, named Anthony."

"Oh! Well, _hello_, Anthony," Alyssa batted her eyelashes.

"Again, my name is Spunk! Call me Anthony, one more time…" Spunk began to threaten, as Jack looked over at him, mischievously.

"Anthony." With this Spunk screeched and leaped on top of Jack.

----

"Jack, are you okay?" Rachel inquired. She was getting nervous, as Jack hadn't stirred since Spunk jumped him nearly four hours ago. It had taken Gibbs, Cotton, and Marty to get Jack back to his cabin. Spunk, who was currently being held in the brig, may look small, but he could pack a punch.

"Jack, you've been hurt worse than this before. You'll be fine."

"Bloody pirate wannabe. I can't believe he would do that to his own brother."

"To be fair, you pushed him into attacking."

"I just said his name."

"After he asked you not to, so it was your fault."

"Sure, sure."

"But I do have something that might cheer you up," Rachel grinned.

Jack's eyes widened and a sly smile crept on his face, "I bet I know what it is!"

Rachel grinned back before climbing off the bed and pulling a box from under it before straightening up and showing him, "Disney Scene It!"

"YES! You got it!" Jack squealed as he jumped out of bed and began skipping around the room clapping and giggling.

"Let's go get Alyssa and Cotton's parrot to play with us."

A few minutes later Jack, Rachel, Alyssa, and Cotton's parrot were setting up the game, and immediately an argument broke out.

"My game, I wanna be Minnie Mouse!"

"I wanna be Minnie!"

"Listen, you tit, I own this game; I get to be Minnie!"

"Jack, just let the parrot be Minnie, you can be her next time."

Jack grumbled under his breath and grabbed Donald from the box. "Can I at least go first?"

Alyssa was reaching for Goofy, "No! You always get to go first in everything we do!"

"It's my ship!"

"So that makes me a guest, and everybody knows a guest always goes first!"

"But I'm the captain, so I make the rules. Rule number one, 'Cap'n Jack ALWAYS goes first in any game.'"

"What happened to 'ladies first'?"

"When I see a lady, I'll let her go first!"

"Jack!" Rachel turned to glare at her husband, "Am I not a lady?"

"You don't count!"

"What does that even mean?"

The question took Jack by surprise, "Erm…"

"Fine," Alyssa interrupted, "I'll make a deal with you. You can go first, but if I win I get to let Spunk out of the brig."

Jack glared at her, "Deal," Rachel spoke up before the argument could progress, and so the game began.

"What classic character muses that things are getting 'curiouser and curiouser'?"

"Alice!"

"What Disney princess can be seen in the reflections of bubbles as she sings 'Sing Sweet Nightingale'?

"Snow White?"

"Nope! Cinderella! HA! My turn!"

"When Ariel sits down to dine with Eric in Disney's _The Little Mermaid_, what does she do with her 'dinglehopper' fork?"

"Brushes her hair!"

"What movie features a large inheritance, a bottle of sleeping pills, and a cat-napper named Edgar?"

"_Lady and the Tramp_?"

"_The Aristocats_, you idiot."

"What movie features a villainous hunter, a cursed prince, and a beautiful bookworm?"

"_Beauty and the Beast_!"

"Hey, it was my turn!"

"No it wasn't. Quit being a cry baby!"

"What movie features undead pirates, a blacksmith, and a governor's daughter?" Jack looked at Rachel, Rachel looked at Alyssa, Alyssa looked at the parrot, and the parrot looked at Jack. All were wearing confused expressions. Except for the parrot, but he had his head cocked to the side.

"Um…does anybody know the answer to this one?" asked Alyssa.

"Nope," the others chorused as the parrot flipped the card over and Rachel reached for it.

"It's from a movie called _Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl_."

Jack rolled his eyes, "Sounds dumb." And so the game continued.

"Name the young girl who makes a fairy jealous, learns to fly, and is forced to walk the plank on a pirate ship."

"Wendy!" Alyssa answered, "One more question and I win."

"In Disney's _Sleeping Beauty_, on which birthday will Princess Aurora fall under Maleficent's evil spell?"

"Her sixteenth! I win! Give me the keys Jack."

"NO!!" Jack hollered and curled in a ball around the keys.

Alyssa stomped her foot, "Jack!"

"No!"

"Give. Me. The. Keys." Jack looked up at her death glare before squeaking and handing the keys over.

"You could have helped me, Rachel."

"Oh, but Honey, where is the fun in that?"

-----

Alyssa scampered down to the brig and unlocked the door for Spunk. She felt bad for him, being locked down in the cold, damp hole with no one to talk to.

"You're free!"

"Thanks, how did you convince Jack?"

"It's not hard; you just have to know how to confuse him."

"Well, once again, thank you," Spunk said sincerely. Alyssa nodded and began to lead the way out.

"Alyssa, can I show you something?"

She stopped mid-step, praying it was what she wanted to hear. "Sure," she replied, her voice shaking.

"Well, the sun will be rising shortly, so let's head up to the crows nest. That'll be the best place to show you." Alyssa gave him an inquisitive look, but continued on her way.

They crossed the deck, began the ascent to the crows nest. Upon arriving, they both settled down for the short wait.

"Why do we have to wait for the sun to come out?"

"It only works in the sunlight. You'll see."

"Can't you just tell me?"

"You wouldn't believe me."

"So, I would be proven wrong in just a few minutes."

"Or you can wait so it'll be a surprise."

"Is it a good surprise, or will I be running for my life?" Alyssa giggled.

"It depends on what you mean by 'good', but I don't think you'll go running," Spunk gave a crooked smile.

For the next half hour, the couple sat together talking about anything and everything, learning more and more about each other. Slowly, the sun began to pull itself above the horizon.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

Then the sun shone on Spunk and Alyssa gasped.

**A/N: Jack Sparrow, being the captain of the Pearl, commands you to review. Now. And I ask please.**


	3. And So It Begins

**

* * *

**

Disclaimer: Jack and I were skipping down the beach this past weekend and paused to watch the sunset. All of a sudden Gore Verbinski came out of no where and hit me with a sea turtle. He told me I own nothing and that's why I have to write fanfics. And alas, he is right.

**A/N: So…yeah…it's been awhile. I'm sorry. ******** I'm still alive, I just have had a lot on my plate lately. Anyways, this chapter is by far the longest I have written, and it actually starts with somewhat of a plot. Oh, and thanks to SunshineAndDaisys for beta-ing this story and for giving me the idea for Disney Scene-It in the last chapter. Speaking of SunshineAndDaisys we teamed up to write a story. It should be posted in the next few weeks hopefully and is very amusing if I do say so myself. So stay tuned for that. And without further ado…**

Spunk's skin began to shine and sparkle, like diamonds. Alyssa couldn't take her eyes away. She was completely awed by his beauty, and never in a million years would have expected this to be Spunk's special talent.

"Your skin…it…sparkles."

"Yeah, it does," Spunk chuckled.

"Why does it do that?"

"I don't know. It's just some freaky skin condition. Some freaky shiny skin condition."

* * *

Meanwhile, Jack and Rachel were below deck in their cabin sleeping, as it was still early in the morning. They had, had a long night of Disney Scene It, and then Jack spent the next two hours late that night crying over how he had lost.

Anyhow, at this precise time, Jack shot up into a sitting position, threw Dominic across the cabin, and began screaming at the top of his lungs, waking Rachel in the process. Alyssa and Spunk, who had heard the commotion from the deck, came rushing in to find Rachel slapping the still screaming, and sleeping, Jack across the face. Repeatedly. Spunk's expression turned to one of horror, as boredom crossed Alyssa's face. Rachel, catching Spunk's shocked expression quickly said, "Don't worry, it's only his panic sleep disorder. This happens all the time."

"Wh…what?" a baffled Spunk questioned.

"Yeah, it usually happens when he wins a big battle, escapes capture by the royal navy, or finds out big news. So it's kinda your fault, if one really stops to think about it," Rachel added.

Finally Jack woke up and looked around. He noticed Rachel standing over him, Spunk staring transfixed at him, and Alyssa stealing one of his bottles of rum from the cupboard.

"Hey! Put me rum back!" Jack commanded as he reached to the side of the bed, "Wait, where's Dominic? Dominic!! Where are you? COME BACK TO ME!!!!"

"Relax Jack. He's across the cabin. You must have thrown him again in your panic," Rachel sighed, exasperated.

"Get him! I can't go on with out him! Plus, he hates to be in that dusty corner."

Rachel rolled her eyes, but complied. She knew Jack was awkwardly overprotective of Dominic. She reached down, snatched up the stuffed bear, and walked back over to Jack. Yet, instead of handing the teddy bear to him she shoved it over his face.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" screeched Jack, except it sounded more like, "BWAH RE RO HOODFING?"

Alyssa and Spunk were in fits of giggles by this time. Spunk was laughing so hard he even had tears streaming down his face, which caused Alyssa to laugh even harder. Finally, after a few more minutes of struggle, Rachel let up, handed Dominic to Jack, turned and strutted off.

"Why did you do that?" whimpered Jack.

Rachel spun on her heel glaring at him before hissing, "Because I'm angry!" She then changed her direction, walked to Alyssa and snatched the bottle of rum from Alyssa's hand before chugging it.

"Do you even care about the nightmare I had?"

"Why? Do we need to talk about it?" asked Rachel sarcastically.

"Yes, but can we talk alone?" whimpered Jack.

Rachel sighed but complied, and after she had shooed Spunk and Alyssa out, Jack began his story.

According to him, his nightmare started as a good dream. He was heading below deck to get more rum but, alas, all the bottles were empty, which caused him great worry. Then he heard a noise, a squishy like noise and then something being dragged across a surface. He turned quickly to discover a ghoulish figure of an old friend sitting in the corner. It was Bootstrap Bill wearing, and this confused poor Jack quiet a bit, a blue and green spandex suit with sequins all over it. However, that wasn't the scariest part. Bootstrap went on to warn Jack that Davy Jones, the terror of the seas, was on the way to find 'the one with the black spot' to pay the debt. You see, Jack had made a deal with Jones earlier in his life to resurrect the Pearl so he could be captain for sixteen years. In return, he would have to spend a lifetime of servitude on the Flying Dutchman. Bootstrap warned Jack there was no escaping and it was only a matter of time. Then he disappeared as Jack glanced down at his hand and saw the black spot. It was then that Jack began screaming.

"Is it true? Did you really make that dumb of a deal, Jack?"

He paused, "…perhaps."

"JACK! That is the worst deal I've ever heard of! What are we supposed to do now?"

"Head for land, me thinks. Jones can't step foot on solid ground." So Jack headed up to the deck to inform Cotton of the change of direction.

* * *

"Why did you become a pirate? You seem like someone who would have had it all." Spunk asked as he stretched out across the deck.

"It was always a dream of mine, and Rachel's too, to see the world. We would always have adventures in the acres around our house," Alyssa answered as she too stretched out. "When our parents found out that we were playing pirates, they were less than pleased. We were never allowed to play unsupervised again. We told our father that we wanted to see the world, and that's why we played those games, so at least we could pretend. Then he showed us the world I guess."

Confusion swept across Spunk's face, "And you still became a pirate?"

"By showing us the world, I mean he gave us a map. Apparently he thought it was funny. Anyways, what about you? Why did you become a pirate when you could be so much more?"

"My whole family is made of pirates, at least on my father's side. I wanted to fit in with them. I did grow up in England, and did lead, I guess you could say a normal life, but it was boring. I never felt like I belonged. I had very few friends. I came to seek adventure."

The couple continued to lay there in a comfortable silence for awhile, just enjoying each others' company. They were completely content just listening to the waves. However, just as Alyssa and Spunk began to drift off to sleep, there was a violent jerk, as the boat shook suddenly. They had found solid ground.

* * *

"You're seriously not going to eat that, are you?"

"Why, yes, I am. They gave it to me as a gift, and it would be rude to refuse it."

"That is disgusting. You know those probably belong to parts of our crew."

"Yeah, but I never really like half of them anyway," Jack said with finality as he lifted the human toe up to his mouth and took a bite. Rachel made a gagging sound. She couldn't handle being on this island much longer, what with the cannibals and all. Not a single member of the crew had eaten anything in the past few days, as they were being offered human meat. And that, my dear children, would be called cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. She was sick of this island, but wasn't necessarily sick of being called queen. That was the one good thing Jack had managed to swing from this. The two of them were "royals", the king and queen of the island. Too bad when the drums stopped beating they would be dinner.

All of a sudden a large group of guards rounded the corner carrying a large stick.

Tied to said stick was the one and only William Turner.

"Will?" Rachel asked, confused. Jack peered up from his snack.

"Jaaaacccck! It's so good to see you! Is it really you, Jaacck?"

Rachel continued to stare, bemused by all of this, while Jack stood up and sauntered over to Will. Once he reached Will he began poking and prodding his person, and began talking in the cannibal's language. The only words that Will and Rachel could understand were "teensy-weensy". Jack motioned to the cannibals, then turned and headed back to his throne.

"Jack, Elizabeth is in danger. She needs your help, we need your compass." Jack seemed to ignore Will. "She faces the gallows, Jack!" This got his attention, and he immediately turned on his heel and conversed with one of the cannibals. Will and Rachel continued to watch, dumbfounded.

Suddenly Jack seemed to urge the cannibals on, with a command of "ballickielickie!" Jack turned to go back to his seat but paused to whisper "Save me!" to Will. And so Will was carried off to hang with the rest of the prisoners. Literally.

* * *

"How the ihell/i did this happen!? How did Jack pull this beautiful move?" Spunk was fuming, to say the least. He continued ranting inside the giant ball of human bones which was swinging gently in the wind. However, his fellow prisoners no longer heard him. They were just looking glumly in all directions, trying to figure out a plan of escape.

Gibbs sighed, "Where is Jack when you need him?"

"He's just chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool, and chewin' some toes up in his throne," Will answered. Everybody looked at Will like we was insane. As a matter of fact, he most likely was just a little mad. After he got the rapping out of his system, he leaned forward on to the bone cage. "Anyways, where's the rest of the crew?"

"You see these cages we're in? They weren't built 'till iafter/i we got here," said Gibbs. This disgusted Will, who immediately drew back and wiped his hand on his shirt, which caused Alyssa to burst into uncontrollable fits of giggles. All of the men stared at her.

"Will! You're such a girl!" Alyssa gasped, clutching her stomach. Then conversation resumed as normal, and Gibbs filled Will in on everything that had gone down.

"We have to do something!" exclaimed Will.

* * *

The cannibals began throwing more and more wood into the fire pit. The ones who weren't helping were chanting, banging on drums, or dancing around like monkeys. Big hairless monkeys. Rachel looked on in fright, and Jack seemed to be calm about the whole thing. That is until one of the cannibals pulled out a box of matches (yes, matches). Jack jumped up and began shouting, pulling Rachel with him.

"No! Wait! I want big fire," he started gesturing around crazily, "Big fire! Abughieschnickelschnickel!" The cannibals shrugged, and trudged off to get more, and Jack was off, pulling Rachel behind him the whole way. They were running all over the island, nearly falling off cliffs multiple times. They then darted into a hut, which was filled with all sorts of supplies. This hut happened to be located near another which was occupied by some of the women of the tribe.

"I haven't seen him in weeks," sighed the first woman.

"Don't worry; he probably just forgot your hut number. Or was eaten by a lion…" reasoned the second.

"But we don't even have lions on this island!" wailed the whiny cannibal.

Rachel listened to the whole conversation (though she was slightly confused as to why they were speaking in English), as Jack rummaged the hut. At the end of the conversation, Rachel began snickering. Her husband looked up from the jar of paprika he was holding to scold her.

"Rachel, they'll hear you!" he whispered, grabbing her wrist and dashing out of the hut, the whole way batting at the items hanging from the ceiling so as to not get tangled in them. Once the couple was out in the open, they stopped short. Half the tribe was standing there, waiting for them. Both pirates grinned sheepishly, as Jack began peppering himself and Rachel with paprika.

Jack laughed nervously, "Just getting…a little bit of seasoning?"

* * *

Meanwhile, the boys and Alyssa were busy trying to swing the cages far enough so they could reach the side of the cliff and pull themselves up. Finally, they grabbed hold of the side. As Will commanded, "Put your legs into it men! We'll need everyone to crew the ship!"

"Actually, we won't need everybody!" shouted a man from the other cage. "About six will do!" Everybody paused and looked around. There were about six in each cage. In the blink of an eye, they all started to climb, both groups trying to beat the other, but at that exact instance, a rather young tribe member walked by. The pirates froze, unsure if they should keep moving, or wait for the boy to pass so they would go unnoticed. The stupider group, of course, decided to keep climbing. Until one grabbed a snake and screamed like a little girl, which caused everybody in the same cage to freak out and let go. So they plummeted to certain death as the boy, who saw all of this, ran back to tell the elders.

* * *

Jack was tied to a rather large stick as the cannibals hoisted him over the fire and Rachel, who was untied, was forced to watch this gruesome event unfold before her, knowing she would be next. As they put the spit Jack was fixed to in position and were about to light the fire, the young boy who had seen the other pirates escaping, came running up and screamed what happened. Jack listened a bit impatiently before commanding his loyal subjects, "Well, go on. Go get them!" So the tribe was off.

* * *

By this time, the surviving crew of the Pearl had reached the top of the cliff, and were pulling themselves over when Alyssa looked over her shoulder.

"Uh…guys, we have company!" The entire tribe was after them. The men began looking for sharp rocks to try and escape their confinement, Alyssa began to hyperventilate. Upon realizing the rocks weren't helping, Gibbs yelled a new command.

"We'll have to carry it with us! Lift it like a ladies skirt!" And the pirates complied. Except Alyssa, who huffed as she turned as red as a tomato.

"Excuse me! That is highly inappropri…" But the ball was jerked up, and the pirates were running as Alyssa and Marty bounced around inside.

* * *

Back at the campsite, Rachel had helped Jack from over the fire, but could not get the knots untied from the spit. So, instead of wasting more time, they sprinted off with the tree-sized twig stuck to Jack. They ran through the island as fast as possible, heading back towards the ship, but skidded to a stop when they came across the same two women who were previously complaining about their love lives. Rachel stayed frozen in place, but Jack charged them. The two women easily stepped out of the way, allowing Jack to impel into a large pile of coconuts, causing one to stick to his new found back brace. This gave him an idea. He spun around quickly and, just as he planned, the coconut flew off, heading straight for one of the women. However, not as he planned, she caught it and became very angry. So she pelted him with fruit, and Jack kept turning in circles so his whole pole was covered in fruit. This caused Rachel to bust into hysterical laughter.

"You look like a shish kabob!"

Jack ignored her as he ran towards his pirate wifey. "Jump on, and hold tight! I have a plan!" She complied, and Jack turned back around, running as fast as he could towards the edge of the cliff before leaping at the last second, Rachel screaming the entire time. They landed on the other side safely, with a small thud. Jack looked up, with a small grin on his face, which was quickly wiped away when he saw the assortment of fruit heading southward. He then lost his balance, Rachel sighed.

"Here we go again." Then they began plunging towards the ground, crashing through all of the bridges the tribe had built. The whole time, Jack was unwinding from his roasting stick, causing him to do somersaults in the air. The two kept falling, and falling, until they hit solid ground, landing side by side, the fruit falling all around them.

* * *

The other pirates were still running at this point, but not for much longer. Suddenly they hit a hill, causing them all to tumble and the ball started to roll on its own free will. Everybody inside gripped the sides of the cage and screamed at the top of their lungs. Finally the ball came to a rest, and split in two as it pitched forward into a crevice. The crew fell into the water below, swimming away as quickly as possible. They continued quickly to their destination. Once they finally reached the Pearl, they found Pintel and Ragetti getting the boat ready. No one paid much thought to why they were doing this by themselves, nor how they got there, they just rushed on board. Before boarding Will shouted, "Wait, I came to find Jack. I'm not leaving without him!"

This was followed by Spunk declaring, "I just found my brother, I can't lose him this soon."

"And I will never leave my sister!" Alyssa finished the proclamations. At this exact instance, Jack and Rachel rounded the corner, running as fast as they could. Will, Spunk, and Alyssa all smiled in relief, which quickly vanished when they realized the two were being pursued by the cannibals.

"Never mind…" Will said as the three scrambled to get on board. Jack and Rachel began to run faster and faster, until they got close to the boat, er…ship, and jumped into the water, swimming for it. Rachel clamored on board as Jack paused on the ladder and took his hat in his right hand.

"This will be the day," he shouted, "you will always remember as the day you…" his speech was cut short when a giant wave overtook him. Finally, he was able to mutter his last line, "Cap'n Jack Sparrow."

Then he spit out a fish.

**A/N: Oh jah! The end of the longest chapter! You likey? Even if you didn't you should hit that beautiful button that says 'review'. Jah?? Jah??**


End file.
